I Took A Shit Today

Hey WANCers,

As Adam said we are in the midst of some pretty hectic times at uni at the moment what with all our assignments being due on the same fucking day. However, despite this I found time in my busy day for two things.... The first, is to write this blog in place of Ben (assuming that Ben won't post tonight), and the second, was possibly the best shit I've taken in a long time.

I was standing outside my tutors office with Adam waiting to see him. He was on the phone though so it was taking some serious time. I sat down in the chair outside his office and it set in. The urge, not the need, just the urge, so I wriggled uncomfortably for a bit as I watched Adam pace around the place.

It seemed to pass and I breathed a sigh of relief and thought "ok, I'll get through this meeting then hit this bad boy up"

Adam said something to me which I couldn't quite care about as at that instant the urge came back. This time it was more potent and I knew, this wasn't an urge I was experiencing, it was a need.

So I stood up, casually walked over to Adam, handed him my folder and said "Hold this, I need to shit" then I casually strolled (because it was like the shit when you are real casual bout it until you get into the cubical at which point it is game fuckin on to get your pants down) to the bathroom. It was definitely a shit where you sit there and think "I'm gonna write a blog about this".

The rest is history. However I did feel uneasy and slightly vulnerable afterwards on my walk down Queen St and the bus ride home.

So, plenty of action in my life at the moment as you can see, with that I leave you with the promise to deliver a better post about nicer things like finishing university forever next week.

WANC out!!

Dont Even Bother With This Post

There has not been nearly enough WANCing going on lately.

Uni is drawing to a close and we are all stressing out. Except for you damn journalism kids because you’re weird and somehow already done.

But then that’s it.

WE have to go out and find real jobs and be grown ups. File tax forms. Play the stock market (I will talk to Ben cause I’m told he has a guy.)

But this morning, as I lay down to write (yes I write lying down, so what!) with my brain slowly crumbling away, like a ginger nut you dropped in your tea and just left it there, I wish more people would play the new game I’ve just invented.

It's the same vain as the Ice game (where your presented with a Smirnoff (also, aside from a bracket within a bracket, my computer has Smirnoff in the dictionary, and I think that is note worthy.) Ice and must down it in one. I’m assuming there is some sort of punishment for not finishing it or throwing up but to be honest I am to tired to take the 5 seconds to research this.).

My game is called eggs bene.

The game where you bring me eggs bene and I eat it at my own pace (I’m going to make this a thing)

The current score board sits at me in first, my mum in second and Lydia in third. I will of course be officiating the game. Creating rules. A board. Possibly selling advertising rights (I wonder if that’s enough of a link to advertising to keep people happy).

It will be awesome.

Sadly, as I said, I am not well. Self induced as it may be I am putting this as the reason for this, lets be honest, shoddy attempt at user created content.

What I mainly wanted to say in this entry was that we the WANCers are sorry that we haven’t been posting much as of late.

With the end in sight we are defiantly not losing out resolve (at least I’m not) and we will continue to post shit you don’t really care about to waste precious seconds of your life.

I am sure posts will resume as normal in maximum 2 weeks even if I have to write them all.

Also I’m working on a top-secret project. You’ll get to see it some day.

And may I close my saying sorry for the pointless post, I felt as though I needed to at least contribute something.

Idolatry

Though I recently espoused the evils of idolatry and putting people on pedestals. I’ve gone hypocritical and am deciding to let you in a bit to my life. Mostly I was running out of things to say, and to be blog worthy (I set very high personal standards). So I was going to try a classic what I did in my summer holidays. As we know summer hasn’t arrived and if I’d pasted one from last year people would’ve noticed I’m sure.


On a recently long public transport trip, after the last of my waning iPod battery died I found myself having an odd time. I was examining my life. A little DNM with the inner happier, more physically appealing me. But it was rush hour on an mundane Tuesday, I wasn’t under the influence, no fire to stare into and I wasn’t philosophically refurbishing my life with a close friend. It was deep thought at random and it was strange. In this process I realised I’d never had a true idol, a person to admire, to look up to and be inspired by. And though I abhor the use of celecbrity and trying to emulate them, I can set a point at which thinking ‘yeah there a good dude, maybe I’ll be like them’ and ‘ I want to wear their clothes and crap in their toilet’ crosses a line. At a push, I would’ve said Warren Buffett, he’s got it all going for him in most ways. The kind of guy you‘d love to hate if he wasn‘t such a good guy (e.g. Dan Carter). So as I sat in a rickety bus headed west, I decided I needed someone to admire.


With much deliberation I settled on A.J. Jacobs, editor at large of Esquire, regular contributor to Weekend Edition (a popular culture, society & history sort of show on American public radio) who has also contributed to The New York Times, Entertainment Weekly and New York magazine. Jacobs has written 3 books, The Know-it-all where he reads the entire encyclopaedia Britannica (great trivia), The Year of Living Biblically where he tries to follow all the rules of the bible for a year (not as subjective as you may think), and The Guinea Pig Diaries where he details all the experiments he’s ever been a subject for like when he outsourced his entire life to India (including arguments with his wife and bedtime stories for his kids, a best of Esquire sort of).


These are the reasons I idolise A.J., he has an awesome job, he is paid to be witty and observant plus his outlook on life is that it’s a “series of experiments in which I immerse myself in a project or lifestyle, for better or worse, then write about what I learned” and as a sucker for knowledge I get a bit giddy thinking like that. When I grow up, which comes sooner than one may think, I’d love to have a life like this, its not about money or prestige its about having fun and following that truly crazy “What if I…?” thought.


On a slightly deeper level, he seems insanely wise, thought provoking and has the most loving wife in the world with all the shit she puts up with (and let us be honest here, I’m a slight romantic, and she’s damn good looking, which gives me hope).
My choice was hard, and if in 20 years I think I’m closer to Jacobs than now I’d be a very happy man.


People who make up the top 5
1. AJ Jacobs
2. Warren Buffet (billionaire philanthropist who doesn’t flash it around)
3. Sherlock Holmes (mainstreaming reason - who said they have to be real?)
4. Bill Bryson (a man who makes history hilarious and education exciting)
5. Ryan Reynolds (two words = Scarlett Johansson)




As an interesting aside, and slightly more in touch with the creative world. Radio survey results came out today. The Edge got dominated, lost in a box seemed to drive listeners away I wasn’t a fan.
Newstalk ZB while still on top, lost appoint to Radio Live. All the urban stations grew, and for the first time they included Rhema & life, and Radio Waatea who are taking listeners away (or at least are being shown)

Check out the results at TRB.co.nz or try finding a survey party tonight with a massive bar tab. Watch all those famous radio Celebes getting paralytic just in case the get the old DCM*.

Talk next Friday (it’ll be about my job hunt – exciting yes!)








* For those of you under the age of forty or never heard the saying DCM – don’t come Monday, i.e. you’re fired!