Black Eyed Innocents.

When you get told your idea is shit it can be pretty tempting to punch someone in the face. You feel particularly angry, like a niche style of anger. The kind of anger where you don’t want to punch just someone in the face, but a squirrel, or the arrogant neighbourhood kid who refuses to move when you are trying to reverse out of your driveway (you know who you are and just you wait till I get told one of my ideas is shit boy).

But yeah, let me manage your anger for you. Even though, as the above paragraph may suggest, I am terrible at managing my own. Ok! So here goes. Just some little tips to managing anger (elaboration: by manage I may mean pass on)(further elaboration: I just lost the close bracket key, rage).

1. Blame your partner

You are the best creative in the world. And you would have been epic if it wasn’t for your partner. Even if you did all the work, ruthlessly deny your part in the assignment and blame them for putting together the worst brief you’ve ever seen. The key to this one is dedication, don’t just start denying then bail out, be American.

2. Stab someone

I know, I know. I know

3. Drink.

We live in New Zealand. When the world is getting you down because someone can’t appreciate your genius it’s time to get patriotic. Crack open a monteiths, better yet, have a pint, better yet, buy a jug. Drink that bad boy down and think about how awesome you are as that frown floats itself upside down. Note with this one: Don’t beat your wife, don’t expect eggs to be cooked for you, and don’t recklessly vandalise your sons property.

4. Sexualise.

Or Sexually harass. Both good. This ones all about the tension relief and positive self-reinforcement. Spread your feathers you mighty peacock. If the ladies don’t want to look, give them a slap on the ass as a friendly reminder of your presence. If they like that, go all out and grab a boob. If you get away with all that you’ll be left thinking “what bad idea?” and possibly even pull a number. Stud.

5. Petty Crimes.

Specialising in petty theft. Gum, choc bars, etc. Litter! No one can take anger in like the good old punching bag that is mother nature. Tip chemicals down the drain and think of all the marine wildlife you are abusing. Got a D grade? Hell, bury a plastic bag! That shit don’t bio-D-grade. Just do something abusive. It’ll take it all in and spit It out on future generations. Generations that you won’t have to worry about.

I know these are shit ideas and probably won’t help. But when you are totally down in the dumps one day, try one, you might feel better. Just don’t try it round me, unless it the drinking one, even then it’s on you.

Till next we meet, Cheers.