Morbid, finality and sadness: an emo retrospect

Though I hate to admit it, its less than four weeks till I’m done with university for ever (well fingers crossed, knocking on wood and whatever other superstitious bullshit I should try), so I thought I’d talk about finality.

Not many people contemplate their own mortality, only ninjas and presidents really (mostly because to get to be in that position they have to realize they will most likely be assassinated). Which to me would put me off applying for either. Possibly the only worse position to be in is a nameless henchman, because unless your up against Nigel Powers, and he’s feeling loving, you’re pretty much ruined. I have contemplated death, recently and throughout life, mostly because I one read that you don’t even spend a million hours alive. It’s more like

24 x 365 = 8760

8760 x 74 (average lifespan of a white NZ male) = 648240.

Not even a million hours how stink is that? So with the knowledge of living less than million hours, does your brain start wondering about the time you’ve spent reading this? When you could drawn a beautiful picture, hugged a person you love or watch birds fly and marvel at nature? But rather than an actual ramble about death, because that is just depressing and can put you in a very unhealthy cycle of thought. This is more to do with what human spend their lives doing. We often establish routine at an early age and then stick with it until a variable changes. The majority conform to the social norms around us, accept what the things we cannot change and try to work past them. It’s your basic ‘adapt & overcome’ situation. As an aside, one of the biggest changes is a new partner (I hate that term, in a relationship sense it’s one of the most contrite, PC words and it should be abolished). I reckon the success lies in the ability to find the mutual overlap of routine/ That weird oval space of Venn diagram if you will.

So I raise the question imagine what you would do if you knew you couldn’t fail? There are so many options with this, it’s almost like becoming invincible or having a million wishes, you could guarantee a lottery win, sit any exam on any subject and pass, impress everyone and generally live life better off… oh what a world that would be. But there is a trick in this question, just like in Bruce Almighty replying yes to all the requests of the plebs, if you knew you couldn’t fail you’d expect to succeed all the time. However, success is fairly subjective. For a starving African child success is eating more than once a week, while for a super rich white person success is having sex with a different girl every night and not remembering as you snort kilos of coke. Obviously this is a bit extreme, but if you look at it that way, you could only win 5th division winning like $25, passing your exams with a B- and forming a relationship with a person who never really loved you but instead just felt obligated (and there is nothing worse than that). I have way over examined this simple statement. I think it’s just supposed to be a motivational type thing so you can achieve dream big, live fuller existence and other such psycho babble.

What is really the point of anything at all? I don’t really have an answer, it’s like a why is the sky blue, or if bumblebees aren’t supposed to fly how come they do type question.

What this blog stemmed from was a shitty day that put a few things in perspective. Everyone has those days when they are getting yelled at by the boss, or having an argument with a significant other and just look them in the eye while thinking I don’t have to put up with this shit, why am I taking this? We take that crap and disappointment etc because we crave the routine, the unchangeable existence of being, the regular events in our life that make us realise we are living and not just cruising through life on auto-pilot. This may have become a bit morbid, but take from it this, as the remorseless sweep of the second hand ticks away during those long hours at work, or in class or waiting in traffic, remember that you’ve got to get a shit load of stuff in less than a million years, and that that it could be really worse, you could be dead.

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